


Things left unspoken

by Lenami



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, I hope it's not too angsty, Love Confessions, M/M, Melancholy, Octavian lives AU, Please don't kill me I can't write sex scenes, University, Will saves him, bc i am an idiot author, bc will is a sweetheart, idk if it counts as, you tell me - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:28:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26072674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenami/pseuds/Lenami
Summary: "Octavian is alive. I saw him in New York, even talked to him, and I thought you would want to know. Wouldn’t you?" Percy’s words seemed so unbelievable and yet nothing could compare to seeing Octavian in person, alive and well....Octavian's hair fell on his face and there was a flush on his cheeks- and there was nothing special about it but Michael couldn’t stop staring- and he wanted to touch him more, to feel how alive he was-He was startled when he felt Octavian’s fingers curling over his own. His grip was surprisingly strong. He looked down at them, involuntarily letting out a sigh when he saw how different they were; his own strong, tanned hands and Octavian’s slender, pale fingers, so frail and delicate.“We will talk in the morning, okay?” He repeated.“Yes.” Octavian’s voice was barely audible.
Relationships: I guess you can read it as, Michael Kahale/Octavian, Octavian & Will Solace, Percy Jackson/Octavian
Kudos: 21





	Things left unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Honestly I would never expect that I would write fanfiction to Percy Jackson but here I am! This is, in a way, love letter to my childhood years- all those hours I spend reading those books. I loved them so much. And recently I reread some scenes with Octavian- and it honestly changed how I see him now and I find it absolutely outrageous how he was killed off instead of getting character development and becoming a better person. He deserved a second chance. And I don't believe that Will Solace would ever let him die! 
> 
> On the more technical side of things- I am really sorry if some of the scenes don't match up perfectly with what happened in the canon (for example, I don't remember if Octavian knew Will's name before he died) because I read those books few years ago and my memory... well, could be better. Please point out any eventual grammar mistakes to me. Also, it's my first time writing a sex scene, hence such focus on dialog there. Please don't be too harsh on this:) To wrap this up; I hope someone else can enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Wind blew into Percy’s eyes and frost bit his fingertips as he made his way through empty streets of New York. It was a cold night but not unpleasant one, with the snow creaking under his shoes and odd silence disturbed only by howl of the wind.

It was one of those moments when time slowed down, just a little. And it seemed so- like the snowflakes could just pause at any moment and still in the same place forever, when he stopped at the corner to pull his headphones out of a pocket. Looking back at this, he always assumed it couldn’t have been an accident that he looked up and saw exactly what he saw then.

He never thought that Octavian would appear in his life once again- more so, in such simplistic way, without any boom, any noise to it. But there Octavian was, in all his glory, smoking a cigarette at university entrance.

Percy stopped in his tracks, hypnotised; in a way, mesmerized even.

 _Is this really him? Octavian is dead, Octavian SHOULD be dead. That’s how the world always has been and how it could become something else with just one split second?_ it came to his mind as he watched him take a drag on a cigarette. The silver smoke surrounding him blurred his features into a stoic mask. Despite that, he seemed oddly fragile, with his guard down; not knowing that he was being watched. He just stood there, staring at the emptiness, dressed in only thin, formal black coat over a suit- he shivered slightly, trying to press edges of the collar of the coat together in a weak attempt to make himself warmer.

 _Maybe it’s his ghost? But if so, he wouldn’t be able to feel the cold._ Percy bit his lip, still staring at his thin figure.

He did look like a ghost with his pale, almost white skin and hair, wrists so thin that Percy was absolutely positive they would break if only met with a little resistance. His hair was a bit longer than Percy remembered. But despite his unhealthy appearance, he seemed very real and grounded where he stood with hair messed up by the wind and faint blush from the cold.

The bubble of the moment broke and Percy’s thoughts were interrupted when an older man came out of the building and Percy could clearly hear him asking:

“Still there, Octavian?”

“Library just closed. Just went out to smoke. I will be gone in a minute, professor” it was his voice, no mistake- the same bored, quiet manner Percy used to hate. But was there just a hint of faint smile in that tone or did Percy’s mind made up things?

“Be safe!” Percy felt sudden rush of panic when professor said those words, at the idea of being seen spying on something that wasn’t meant to be seen by his eyes.

So, he simply walked away.

For the next few weeks, he couldn’t get it out of his head and it felt wrong to tell it to anyone. What anyone could do about it? What could even Percy do about it? He couldn’t even tell what was so shocking about Octavian’s existence.

In the end, there was no other thing to do, but to come back- came back to stare at the university entrance, sometimes empty, sometimes full of students. The third time around, he gathered courage to come look inside.

Nervousness settled in his stomach as he looked at this foreign place.

 _What the hell am I doing exactly? Why do I care? Is it my even my business?_ He asked himself as he wandered through the halls. _Should I ask someone? I don’t even know his last name! Jesus, why I am doing this?_

People started giving him weird looks after a few minutes of walking around without any apparent goal when the nearest door abruptly opened and suddenly he stood face to face with Octavian himself.

Octavian paused in his place for a second, frozen but he quickly regained composure and moved to make a way for other people walking out of the lecture room. Then, he promptly started walking, ignoring Percy, as if he saw nothing.

“Octavian!” Percy hissed and rushed behind him. “Octavian! I won’t get even ‘hi’?”

“I am not talking to you.” Octavian didn’t stop his walk, as stared stubbornly forward not even meeting his eyes.

“Hey!” Frustration got better of Percy and he grabbed him by the wrist.

People started to give them weird looks, so he pulled them to the side. He hoped for an even illusion of privacy.

“How did you find me?” Octavian finally turned to face him.

“Coincidence. I saw you the other night at the entrance, smoking.” Percy lowered his voice, looking at Octavian’s face for answers to all of his unspoken questions.

Octavian murmured something that suspiciously sounded like “fuck”.

“What do you want from me, Jackson? Huh? Need an apology? To your information, you aren’t getting one.”

He seemed distant even though there were only few inches between them.

“For God’s sake, Octavian!” Percy nearly shouted. Frustration boiled inside of his veins. “We all thought you were dead!”

“Good for you. Now, if you will excuse me-”

“How? Why? Why did you do that?”

“It’s not your business. Tell me, why would you even care-?” There was angry blush on Octavian’s face.

“I don’t know! I don’t know, Octavian.” Percy realized that he really didn’t knew and was just desperate for something- something he couldn’t grasp completely. “But maybe some of your friends would? Michael? Reyna? Just- It makes such a big difference.”

“Reyna never even liked me.” Octavian said with such bitterness in his voice, it shocked Percy.

Something shifted on Octavian’s face and it made satisfaction come over Percy unexpectedly hard, but what this change of expression could actually mean- that still remained a mystery.

“It doesn’t mean she wanted you to die! Please, Octavian, let me-”

“Let you what? Get the hell out of here, Jackson before I call cops on you for harassment.” Octavian yanked his wrist from Percy’s hold.

 _Typical!_ Percy rolled his eyes.

But there wasn’t anything else he could do or say anymore, so he and just looked at Octavian’s back as he walked away.

* * *

Octavian wasn’t as much surprised as he would expect from himself. Nonetheless, Jackson’s visit shook him in a way he couldn’t exactly grasp. It all seemed so pointless, yet-

 _Why? Why did he come just to see my face? To say that my friends would miss me? We didn’t even know each other that well. It could even say that at some point I hated him and Gods, how exhausting that seems right now, to feel such resentment and anger for a person who doesn’t even care…_ He thought, looking with empty eyes at the pile of different meds on his nightstand. _On the other hand, I knew I would come across one of them eventually._

He sighed, reaching for the sleeping pills. He didn’t take any of his meds regularly, except for those prescribed by the shrink, even though he knew he should.

_It might mess up my sleep schedule to take them this early but I need to take something to knock me out for couple of hours._

For a split second, he thought about that bag of dirty looking powder that he bought a long time ago, now hidden at the bottom of the drawer. But that thought disappeared in a flash and without any guilt, he took the pill and collapsed back onto the bed, waiting for sleep to come.

_He woke up to the feeling of something cold pressing into his forehead. Someone’s fingers brushed against his temple and cheekbones gently, moving hair out of the way._

_“You finally regained consciousness, I was afraid I would lose you.” the voice was awfully cheerful, Octavian found it practically agonizing to listen to it when he was in so much pain._

_The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes, was a blond boy in an awful orange t-shirt looking at him with curiosity. He looked younger than Octavian himself by few years. He had warm eyes and that kind of healthy, inviting look Octavian always envied other boys._

_“Fuck.” Cursing the only thing he could bring himself to say right now and only thing that could properly express his feelings right now._

_He never thought before ‘fuck’ was a feeling, but now, he felt it._

_“Not the first thing I would like for people to say after seeing my face, but alright. Can you sit up?” The boy smiled at him and Octavian automatically scowled._

_“Just help me up, please.” He took a look at his own hands before reaching out- they were bandaged tightly._

_The boy gently wrapped his arm around him, pulling him up._

_“You should eat and drink and then I will change your bandages.” He handed Octavian sandwich and bottle of orange juice with one while fumbling in his bag, clearly looking for something._

_Both of them fell silent. Octavian’s last memories came back to him with a full force in that quit moment and he winced, as if it physically pained him. The invasion- The onager-_

_He saw everything again._

_“What happened? Are everyone- Did we win?” He didn’t specify who he meant by that question. “Where am I?”_

_Octavian stared at his sandwich, hating how helpless his words sounded._

_“Camp Half-Blood. My name is Will. I- kind of hid you here. I didn’t know what would other people do if- ” Will looked away, fidgeting. “You tried to attack us, remember? And then the onager-”_

_He trailed off. Will left others of Octavian remain unanswered._

_“You were under Gaia’s influence.” He added after second of silence. “But everything is all right now.”_

_It was a simple statement. A bit too simple for Octavian, honestly but he let it slide- because what was there to say, honestly? He bit his lip, trying to think of something to keep the conversation alive._

_“I am Octavian.” He extended his hand awkwardly. Will shook it with clear amusement._

_“I know your name. Listen, I will actually explain what happened but first, I need to ask you some questions about your health-”_

_Was Will sincere, or was it a way to distract him from important things?_

_Octavian didn’t know._

_Will turned to take something out of his bag. His voice suddenly became serious and professional. “- see this? This is ambrosia, it will help you heal. Eat it when you finish your breakfast. Second thing, do you have any diseases, allergies? Any medication?”_

_“Anaemia. I used to take the meds but after some time it wasn’t necessary.” Octavian shrugged._

_“It seemed like it. And the third thing: do you need painkillers? I don’t have any heavy medication but I personally, I think you should take some.”_

_“Yeah, I think I should.” Will threw him the pills. Octavian tried not to seem too relieved to take them._

_And the last; you see, I am a healer but not a professional doctor and I think that you should go to the hospital for a check-up, x-ray at least. I can’t be sure if bones are intact. Also, as I said, they might give you something better for the pain.” He paused for a second. “But! Burns though aren’t as bad as I thought. You will be okay.”_

_He added a smile again and it threw Octavian off his rhythm- he nodded, somewhat dumbly._

_Octavian suddenly felt like crying. It was overwhelming- the idea of being cared for, even if it was just an illusion, created by a smallest of gestures._

_“Thank you.” His voice came out strangled. Sincerity of his own words shocked him. “But Will- why are you doing this? You don’t even know me- there was no worth in me being alive for you. For any of Greeks, for that matter.”_

_Will looked at him weirdly, not giving the answer straight away._

_“To be honest, I don’t know. It’s just… I saw you. And even if logically I should not get involved- the sight of you- I just know that if you died that day, it would be on me. I just knew that you shouldn’t die.”_

_There was a weight in Will’s words and Octavian felt it settling on his shoulders but it wasn’t a bad weight. It felt comforting, like a blanket._

_The topic was heavy and Octavian suddenly was desperate for a change of topic, so he asked in much lighter tone:_

_“Are you son of Apollo?”_

_“Yes.” Will smiled at him once more. He started to tak out bandages and medicine out of his bag and lay them out on the ground in a neat line. “Is it that obvious?”_

_“Kind of.” Octavian was surprised by his own smile. It felt weak and unfamiliar on his lips but it was honest. “He was my grandfather.”_

_“Then we can say that we are distant cousins, I suppose.”_

_Will laughed – it seemed so natural for him._

_“All right, so now I will take the bandages off, the burn might hurt a little bit-”_

Octavian woke with face of Will Solace still fresh in his memory.

* * *

_Octavian is alive. I saw him in New York, even talked to him, and I thought you would want to know. Wouldn’t you?_

Percy’s words seemed so unbelievable but nothing could compare to seeing Octavian in person, alive and well.

Michael finally found Octavian when it was almost midnight, in that dirty old bar near the university which address Percy gave him but their reunion didn’t really go as planned.

 _Gods! How? Simply, how?_ He thought, becauseOctavian really was there, sitting at the bar, so alive, so real, Michael couldn’t believe it was so simple, to just… go there and see him. There was only one, small thing.

Octavian was drinking himself to death.

Michael saw him for the first time in five years, five years of thinking he was dead, five years in which he never really got over him, and now he couldn’t even speak to him properly because Octavian was just so awfully, completely drunk.

 _Christ, he should be banned from drinking alone in public places. How did he survive this far?_ He thought because Octavian put absolutely no resistance when Michael pulled him from the bar, half carrying his drunken body through the streets. _Anybody else could do this and he would simply go with it?_

Octavian went along with him, even the point when he literally showed him the way to his apartment and hand him the keys. When they arrived at the doorstep of his home, Octavian finally spoke up- or rather, slurred:

“Michael! Is it you or did I take wrong meds again? I-” He interrupted himself, giggling. “Well, if I knew you would come- I- I would-”

He proceeded to make a weak attempt at a speech, pausing every second word and tripping over his own words.

 _Well, at least this means he recognized me and he wouldn’t give keys to his apartment to a stranger._ He thought sourly, as he forced tripping Octavian inside and directed him to the bedroom.

Octavian was still talking when he sat him down on the bed and kneeled before him.

“Shush, I know. I know, Octavian.” He placed one hand on his knee in an attempt of reassuring gesture. “But we will talk in the morning, okay? Now, take off your shoes and I will bring you a glass of water and we will both go sleep, alright? I will go sleep on the couch, is that alright with you?”

Octavian looked at him absently and pliantly nodded. His hair fell on his face and there was a flush on his cheeks- and there was nothing special about it but Michael couldn’t stop staring- and he wanted to touch him more, to feel how alive he was-

He was startled when he felt Octavian’s fingers curling over his own. His grip was surprisingly strong. He looked down at them, involuntarily letting out a sigh when he saw how different they were; his own strong, tanned hands and Octavian’s slender, pale fingers, so frail and delicate.

“We will talk in the morning, okay?” He repeated.

“Yes.” Octavian’s voice was barely audible.

And they did.

Michael woke early, with the setting sun to see Octavian standing in the doorway. He was barefoot, oversized grey hoodie hung from his shoulders, his hair was a mess.

“You have bed hair” It slipped from his lips without any thought, and it was probably the worst conversation-starter he could think of but Octavian laughed; and it sounded so sincere and lovely, he felt pang in his heart.

“I do.” There was note of amusement in his voice.

_I didn’t know he could even sound like that. He was never like that back then._

“I didn’t think I would ever get to see you like that.” Michael sat up on the couch, still not taking eyes off Octavian.

“Like what?” Octavian grinned and crossed his arms on his chest.

“Soft.”

_Gods, you sound so fucking stupid._

“Alive.” He added after a second of silence.

“Michael-” Octavian’s expression shifted and he wasn’t able to read it. “I- I did unthinkable things- and you know that I wouldn’t be welcome back. There would be a trial and they would kick me out eventually. I just disappeared without humiliation the trial would be.”

He let his gaze down, staring stubbornly on the floor.

“Octavian, Gods, you know I am not asking about that! Why, why on earth you let me think for five years that you were dead? Christ!”

“I couldn’t look you in the eye after what I did.” Octavian’s voice broke and when he finally met Michael’s gaze, there were tears in his eyes. “How could I look you in the eye? What I did… Tell me one reason you would want me back!”

They fell silent and Michael was gathering himself to finally tell Octavian, to make the big reveal, when he suddenly came to grim realization.

“Octavian, does your family know? Do they know you are alive?”

“Of course, you idiot!” Octavian raised his voice. “Don’t be stupid, I am not _that_ crazy!”

They both looked at each with a mixture of irritation and shock.

“It’s not how I imagined this conversation to go.” Michael picked up and when he looked at Octavian, there was a crooked smile on his face.

“We aren’t that great in those thing, aren’t we?”

“Clearly.” Michael smiled faintly too and patted the couch next to him. “Come here”

Octavian reluctantly came closer and sat next to him. Michael turned to face him; there was barely any space between them but he leaned in even more, impossibly close, and took Octavian’s face between his hands.

“You asked why I would want you back and the answer is-” He took a big breath. “It is because I love you. For all those years, yes, even when you were mad and for those five years when I thought you were dead. You have no idea- ” This time his voice broke.

“Michael, oh, Michael” Octavian’s hands found his own and squeezed so hard it was almost painful. “I am so sorry I left you, I- Gods, I missed you so much- Without you- I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t but I love you and- ”

He babbled and tripped over his own words.

Michael shut him up with a kiss.

* * *

“Michael! Michael!” Octavian gasped with pleasure, looking into Michael’s beautiful dark eyes. Octavian clung to him desperately, like a drowning man.

It was so good he couldn’t believe it. Too good. He rested his forehead against Michael’s shoulder as he moved inside him.

 _It’s too good_. _Too good._

“Make it painful.” He whispered to Michael. “Make it painful. I need… I need.”

“What do you need? Is it not good enough?” Michael grabbed him by the waist, gently moving against him.

“It is enough- It’s too good, too good.” Octavian murmured into the side of his neck. He still held on to him with a death grip “I shouldn’t- I- Just-”

_It should be painful._

“I can’t hurt you, Octavian, I would never- I can’t -” Michael’s hand moved to brush back Octavian’s hair back. “-make it painful.”

“It should- it should” Octavian babbled.

“Look at me” He said quietly.

He cupped Octavian’s face to look him in the eyes once again.

“It’s alright. Everything is alright.”

Octavian felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks, stinging his eyes. One trickled down his nose. He gasped quietly.

There was no need to say anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I would be extremely thankful for any kudos or comments!


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